frisky lisp

A Day in the Life of My Terrible Coworker

I have a terrible coworker.  Her name is Greta.  She does nothing all day, but is handsomely compensated.  Monday, I made notes on my iPhone to track her useless moves and I decided to keep it up all week.

Thursday:

7:50-8:10: arrives. Logs into her systems. Brews coffee.
8:10-8:30: prepares oatmeal. Heats oatmeal. Eats oatmeal. We have another system issue. Greta says, “I want to work for a company that has systems that actually work. I’m sick of this shit. I have things to do!”
8:30-9:00: texts. Talks on her phone. Talks to manager.
9:00-9:30: some typing occurs. Staples. Wanders off. Returns with coffee.
9:30-10:00: WORKS!!!!!!!!
10:00-10:30: sighs audibly. Rolls over to my desk and says that she talked to the manager, because she wants me to take on half of her job. Informs me that the manager will talk to me about it. “I know you’re busy and you’re the go-to person on our team, but I need you. “
10:30-12:30: WORKS!!!!!
12:30-1:30: I’m away. Coworker’s whereabouts are unknown. When I return she’s gone.
1:30-2:20: Greta’s gone.
2:20-2:45: Greta returns. Texts. Wanders off.
2:45-3:50: talks on phone. Announces, “I need a beer!” Texts. Wanders off.
3:50-4:30: snacks. WORKS!!!

Today, I witnessed Greta working approximately 3.25 hours in her 7.5 hour day.