frisky lisp

A Day in the Life of My Terrible Coworker

I have a terrible coworker.  Her name is Greta.  She does nothing all day, but is handsomely compensated.  Monday, I made notes on my iPhone to track her useless moves and I decided to keep it up all week.

Friday:

7:45-9:00: arrives logs into the systems. Brews coffee. Talks to everyone. Removes invisalign. Prepares and eats a breakfast sandwich. She’s in charge of the weigh-ins for the weight loss competition she’s participating in, so she calls all of the participants and has them stop by to step on the scale. She’s eating while she takes their weight. Talks.
9:00-9:20: wanders away. Eats.
9:20-10:20: returns. Walks away. Returns. Talks on phone.
10:20-12:00: some typing. Possibly 15 mins of work occurs. Shops online. Wanders off. Returns.
12:00-1:00: I’m away. Greta is gone when I return.
1:00-2:00: greta’s away.
2:00-3:30: the team has a meeting. She brings up several simple items, then gets lost in the topics and states that she needs a drink.
3:30-4:00: talks. I leave for the day.

Today, I witnessed Greta working approximately 15 mins in her 7.5 hour day.

A Day in the Life of My Terrible Coworker

I have a terrible coworker.  Her name is Greta.  She does nothing all day, but is handsomely compensated.  Monday, I made notes on my iPhone to track her useless moves and I decided to keep it up all week.

Thursday:

7:50-8:10: arrives. Logs into her systems. Brews coffee.
8:10-8:30: prepares oatmeal. Heats oatmeal. Eats oatmeal. We have another system issue. Greta says, “I want to work for a company that has systems that actually work. I’m sick of this shit. I have things to do!”
8:30-9:00: texts. Talks on her phone. Talks to manager.
9:00-9:30: some typing occurs. Staples. Wanders off. Returns with coffee.
9:30-10:00: WORKS!!!!!!!!
10:00-10:30: sighs audibly. Rolls over to my desk and says that she talked to the manager, because she wants me to take on half of her job. Informs me that the manager will talk to me about it. “I know you’re busy and you’re the go-to person on our team, but I need you. “
10:30-12:30: WORKS!!!!!
12:30-1:30: I’m away. Coworker’s whereabouts are unknown. When I return she’s gone.
1:30-2:20: Greta’s gone.
2:20-2:45: Greta returns. Texts. Wanders off.
2:45-3:50: talks on phone. Announces, “I need a beer!” Texts. Wanders off.
3:50-4:30: snacks. WORKS!!!

Today, I witnessed Greta working approximately 3.25 hours in her 7.5 hour day.

A Day in the Life of My Terrible Coworker

I have a terrible coworker.  Her name is Greta.  She does nothing all day, but is handsomely compensated.  Monday, I made notes on my iPhone to track her useless moves and I decided to keep it up all week.

Wednesday:

7:55-8:25: systems are down when Greta arrives at work.  Brews coffee. Wanders off with the manager.
8:25-9:00: returns to her desk.  Prepares a bowl of oatmeal to take to the microwave. Returns and bitches about how the kitchen isn’t stocked sufficiently. Someone suggests she call the person responsible for stocking the community kitchens, because that person has been busy with a million other things going on within the company.  Greta’s response: “pshhh uh, I have a million other things to do too. You shut your mouth!”. She removes her Invisalign and eats. She works for about 5 minutes. Then the systems go down again.
9:00-9:30: emails while the systems are down.
9:30-10:00: tells everyone within earshot about how her daughter is about to be kicked out of college for getting into fights.
10:00-11:00: snacks. Texts. Talks on the phone. Appears to be working for about 20 mins.  Says at one point, “I’m in a weight loss competition”.
11:00: ” Oh, these snacks sure do disappear out of my desk quickly.”
11:00-11:10: snacks. Talks to coworker at coworker’s desk.
11:10-12:00: snacks. Texts. I’ll be generous and say that she does 30 mins of work.
12:00-1:00: I’m away. Greta’s whereabouts are unknown.  She is away when I return.
1:00-2:00: she returns with chicken and eats it at her desk.  She rolls over to my desk to complain for 15 mins about how much time her job takes. She tells me that we need “two or three fuckin’ people” to do her job. Then she appears to be working for about 20 mins. Texts.
2:00-3:00: I’m away. Greta’s whereabouts are unknown.
3:00-3:30: I return and am informed that while I was away, there was a verbal disagreement in my department involving Greta that got out of hand. Management had to calm the two involved. Greta let the coworker know that she’s from a tough neighborhood, so she’s not to be messed with.
3:30-4:00: talks on phone. Texts.

Today, I witnessed Greta working approximately 1.5 hours in her 7.5 hour day.

A Day in the Life of My Terrible Coworker

I have a terrible coworker.  Her name is Greta.  She does nothing all day, but is handsomely compensated.  Monday, I made notes on my iPhone to track her useless moves and I decided to keep it up all week.

Tuesday:

• 7:45-8:15: Greta logs into her computer. Walks around to other departments. Talks to everyone. Talks on phone.
• 8:15-8:20: brews coffee.
• 8:20-8:28: appears to be working.
• 8:29-8:39: prepares a bowl of oatmeal to take to the kitchen.  Yells about missing spoons. Wanders off to heat oatmeal. Returns from kitchen.
• 8:39-8:45: removes invisalign. Eats oatmeal. Appears to be working.
• 8:45 -8:53: rummages in purse. Applies lotion on arms. Flosses. Looks at herself in a rather large vanity mirror she keeps in her desk.
• 8:53- 9:02: gets up and chats with the manager at the manager’s desk. A lot of laughing occurs. Returns to desk.
• 9:02-9:10: gets on the phone and chats with another coworker. Rearranges her foot rest.
• 9:10-9:55: appears to work. Manager helps her with a task.
• 9:55- 10:00: talks on phone. Flosses. Stops flossing and says to herself “ooh that hurt.”
• 10:00- 10:30: wanders off. She comes back a few minutes later and a coworker asks her “what’s wrong?” She says that her invisalign hurts today, “they hurt AND I can’t eat with them in. You have to be mentally prepared for this. ” sits down at her desk and texts. Wanders off. Returns.
• 10:30-10:45: texts and talks on phone.
• 10:45-11:00: removes invisalign and snacks while texting.
• 11:00-1:15: I’m away. Greta’s whereabouts are unknown. When I return to my desk, Greta is gone.
• 1:15-1:30: she returns and appears to do some work. She makes plans to pick up some food at 1:30.
• 1:30-2:40: Greta’s away.
• 2:40-3:10: some typing occurs while she chats on the phone with a friend.
• 3:10-3:15: announces to everyone within earshot that she’s signed up to take belly dancing classes. She’s going to “shake it. Shake it. Shake. Shake. ‘Cus I got moves!”
• 3:15-4:00: she talks to several people on the phone about her upcoming belly dancing class. Texts. Then, I leave for the day.

Today, I witnessed Greta working approximately 1 hour in her 7.5 hour day.

A Day in the Life of My Terrible Coworker

I have a terrible coworker.  Her name is Greta.  She does nothing all day, but is handsomely compensated.  I made notes on my iPhone today to track her useless moves.

Monday:

• 8:00-8:15: Greta arrives at work, clocks into her computer and takes a call on her cell phone.
• 8:15-8:30: talks to everyone within earshot.
• 8:30-8:40: sits at her desk and logs into computer.  Steps away for a few minutes to brew some coffee. She returns to her desk to grab a bowl of oatmeal to take to the microwave.
• 9:00-9:10: away heating oatmeal.
• 9:12- 9:30: back at her desk, where she eats oatmeal.  Answers email.

• 9:30-9:40: away from her desk.
• 9:40-9:50: texting.
• 9:50-10:00: working, presumably. Typing occurs. 
• 10:00-10:15: texting.
• 10:15-11:00: I have a meeting. coworker’s whereabouts are not known.  When I return to my desk, Greta’s away.
• 11:10: Another coworker, Terri, brought a bag of food to Greta’s desk, while she’s still away.
• 11:20: Greta returns. Removes her Invisalign for the 5th time to eat/chew on something this morning.
• 11:22: She announces, “oooh I’m hungry” and begins to eat a pasta dish and cookies.
• 11:29: serious typing occurs.  It’s an instant message.
• 11:31: Greta polishes off a Tupperware containing something creamy, while texting.
• 11:36: Greta busts out laughing and walks over to the manager’s desk, saying “you stupid”, while laughing.  She and the manager have been texting each other.
• 11:41-12:00: Greta sits back down at her desk and texts.
• 12:00-1:00: lunch break for me. coworker’s whereabouts are not known during this hour. She is away from her desk when I return.
• 1:05: Greta walks back to her desk with warmed food, while talking on her cell phone.
• 1:10: Terri joins Greta.  She takes a seat opposite of Greta at her desk.  They eat and talk.
• 1:30: Greta leaves with Terri.
• 2:30: Greta returns to her desk and talks on her cell phone.
• 2:33: says to herself, “gotta go to the restroom”.  Wanders off.
• 2:37: Greta returns from the bathroom.
• 2:37-2:55:  The whole department has a quick meeting, where someone announces that they brought cake.  Greta grabs a slice a cake and eats it at her desk while she talks on the phone. She then flosses and reinserts her Invisalign. She talks on the phone for a few more minutes. More texting.
• 2:55-3:00: Greta appears to be working.
• 3:00: leaves for a meeting saying, “I shall return”.
• 4:00: I leave for the day.  No sign of Greta’s return. 

I know for sure that she worked for approximately 15 minutes in her 7.5 hour day.